I blame Christmas. Or maybe it was the candy makers who shall remain unnamed. They made the sweet, chocolatey delights. They put the peanut clusters right there! Right in front of me where I had to walk by them. And those things with the peanut butter in the middle and the chocolate on the outside. WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?? They basically forced me to consume them. And then what happened? I saw a number on the scale that I didn't like. It's their fault. No question. Wait....maybe the scale's broken? I hadn't thought of that.
One thing's for certain: I'm not taking the blame. The number I saw and what I may or not see in the reflection (I admit nothing) is their fault.
Them. They. Him. Her. Isn't that how it goes? It's always someone else's fault.
This is what we do, isn't it? We look for someone to blame.
Looking for someone to blame is a bad, unproductive, no-good habit of the mind. And it's all too common.
Two things about this blaming business:
First, it guarantees we won't fix the real problem. We won't look for how we contributed to the outcome. We won't evaluate our role, and we'll never see where we can make some changes.
Second, it often pushes someone away and raises the tension in the room. Telling someone “it’s all your fault” only puts them on the defensive or triggers their sense of shame. No one wants or needs that. Here's what never happens: You blame someone for what happened and have them respond with a genuine "Thanks for pointing that out. I take full responsibility, and I'm better for knowing that I did it."
There is a thinking shift needed. Break the habit of instantly looking for someone to blame. Recognize the truth: When things go a bit sideways, we all contributed. Be honest about your part of making the mess. Sharing your contribution first, will help get a conversation off to a good start. Then you can attack the problem, not the other person/people involved.
Remember the words of I John 1:8 - "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." You build credibility when, with authenticity, you own your part of the problem. The path to progress always passes through honesty with your self about what really happened.
I need to wrap this up now. There's still Christmas candy in the kitchen that someone has to tend to.
